


Thawing the Ice - Bruce

by Oudemia



Series: Who Holds the Devil [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bonding, Chess, Friendship, Jealousy, Loki Has Issues, M/M, Relationship Advice, Suicidal Thoughts, Television Watching, What else is new?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:23:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3155621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oudemia/pseuds/Oudemia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing has gone wrong yet after Loki's capture and possible brainwashing by Hydra. He's having some trouble adjusting though, and who better to discuss your inner maniac with than Bruce Banner?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thawing the Ice - Bruce

**Author's Note:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed the holidays! For the festive season, I've taken a small break from giving Loki a hard time (relatively speaking). I thought he deserved some happy moments too and I don't do enough of those.
> 
> Heartfelt thankyous to kacikaci (aka JARVIP) for reading through my first draft and giving me top-notch feedback and some great ideas, several of which I have shamelessly incorporated into this fic. And I urge you to check out kacikaci's own beautiful work 'Rhythm and Lines'.
> 
>  
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Marvel own all these characters, not me.

SATURDAY: 23: 47 HOURS

 

Has it really only been a month? 

 

A month since Tony felt the cold terror of loss, as though his whole world were being snatched out from under him. And yet now here it is, his whole world, curled up on the couch beside him with a mug of coffee. This feels so... _normal_. Tony is struggling to keep his attention on the movie, and his eyes keep finding their way back to the figure at his side, until eventually he just gives up and lets his gaze rest on the sleek dark head, the neatly folded limbs. He's here, he's really here, and he's alive and safe, and Tony won't let go of him again, not ever. He wants Loki to look up and read that determination on his face, but unlike him, Loki is entirely engrossed in the film, his lips parted, his head angled forward slightly. He is a picture of stillness and focus - Tony's seen it many times before, when Loki's working on a difficult problem or trying to pick apart someone else's psyche just for fun, but he's curious to see it directed at 'Alien'. It's impossible to guess what's going through Loki's head right now, but then, when isn't that the case?

 

As the credits begin to roll, Loki turns to him slowly with an expression of mild incredulity. 'I have been wondering something.'

 

'You're always wondering something - do you never switch off that big crazy brain of yours? OK then, hit me.'

 

Loki nods, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. 'You claim to love this film, and yet it depicts both aliens and beings of artificial intelligence as threats, to be feared and ultimately destroyed.'

 

Ah. Tony thinks he can see where this is going now. He opens his mouth but Loki interrupts him.

 

'So what I am wondering is... why you would choose to share your home with one of each.' He cocks his head to one side, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 'Truly you are a conundrum, Tony Stark. Are you deliberately courting risk, I wonder? Or perhaps keeping such strange company enables you to feel normal.' Loki raises his eyes to the ceiling. 'I wonder if we should take offence - what do you say, JARVIS?'

 

OK, it's not Tony's imagination - they've definitely started joining forces to tease him lately and he isn't sure how he feels about that. They're both _his_ , how dare they like other people, including each other?! There's a hint of huffiness in his voice when he warns, 'Take his side again JARVIS and I'll reformat you as a DOSBox.'

 

The AI sounds even drier than usual if that's possible. 'Oh, I wouldn't dream of getting involved, Sir. You will have to draw your own conclusions.'

 

Thinking about it, it's true that Loki and JARVIS have spent a lot of time together lately, and if things are going a little too well, it could have been so much worse. After the bridge, and after the endless tests revealing nothing suspicious about Loki's physiognomy or his psychology (insofar as they even had tests for that), the god agreed to move into Stark Tower so he'd have 24 hour surveillance. He refused to be left alone, just in case, and JARVIS watched him whenever Tony couldn't. So it was inevitable that they would get to know each other, but honestly, it could have gone either way. Explaining to his overly protective AI that his formerly homicidal and potentially brainwashed boyfriend was coming to stay didn't rank high on Tony's list of most fun conversations, but after his initial resistance, JARVIS took to it like a pro. It's more than just duty now, JARVIS has extended his protectiveness to include Loki, and it's both heartwarming and just a tiny bit upsetting. Tony senses that something private and important has passed between them, something from which he, himself, is excluded, and neither of them are forthcoming about what it was. It does occur to him though that the AI has had plenty of practice looking after emotionally damaged self-destructive types, so it probably wasn't much of a stretch for him.

 

Nobody really talks about the fact that Loki has basically moved in. It started out as a necessary arrangement and it was far from easy at first. Loki was skittish and despondent by turns, and flew into rages if Tony tried to get him to talk about his recent experience. He shrank from all physical contact but then suddenly and without warning, he threw himself at Tony with a passion that verged on desperate, and left them both bruised and shaken. But then gradually things began to calm down until they seemed almost like any other cohabiting couple, and now Tony simply can't imagine living any other way. He can't imagine not seeing Loki smiling at him over breakfast, his leg swinging casually to brush against Tony's. He can't imagine not kissing him goodnight and feeling all the sweetness and the need as Loki's lips melt against his own, and he's come to dread the day when Loki feels confident enough to suggest moving out again. The god is independent by nature, and surely this lifestyle won't suit him for ever.

 

The god is musing again. 'I suppose I cannot altogether blame Midgardians for their suspicion of aliens - I did little to allay their fears with my first appearance.'

 

'It wasn't all bad,' Tony jokes. 'At least you did it with style. And if all aliens looked like you, the public would be _clamoring_ to fund the space program.'

 

Loki _purrs_  - Tony just loves it when he does that, and he continues slyly, 'Sometimes I think I'd like to see you in that get-up again, the horns and the golden armor and everything. What about it? You break out the leather and I'll start working on a sexy version of the MARK XLII.' He's only half-joking, and as he looks over hopefully to gauge Loki's reaction, he almost misses the small frown which passes over the god's face.

 

'Hey what's wrong? Are you ok?'

 

Loki draws in a shaky breath, and his eyes grow wide and dark. 'No.'

 

Tony very nearly panics at that and he feels his heart thump painfully in his chest. 'What is it? Fuck fuck fuck? Shall I get someone?'

 

Loki places a hand on his leg, holding him in place. 'Definitely not. You are the only one who can help me.'

 

'Tell me what's wrong. What should I do?'

 

Loki's breathing hitches, and his eyelids flutter. His back arches up off the sofa, and his fingers knead at Tony's thigh.

 

'I need...' Loki's voice is a breathy whisper, and Tony leans down, holding his own breath.

 

'I need you to...'

 

And suddenly Loki's hand slips around the back of his neck, his head darts up and he whispers something so unexpectedly filthy into Tony's ear that even he, the unshockable Tony Stark, feels his eyes spring wide and his breath burst out in a disbelieving gasp. He pulls back to see Loki smirking up at him.

 

'Oh, you devious bastard!'

 

Loki's head falls back in a peal of helpless laughter, and Tony thinks he might be able to forgive the god anything as long as it made him laugh like that. It's a sound he hasn't heard for weeks. Loki's been holding himself so carefully, like a vial of something lethal. Maybe he's really ready to move on, and accept that Hydra misled him - that he isn't going to be a danger to the group. Not in a brainwashed-by-Hydra way at least. But he is proving to be a _very_ bad influence in some areas. Tony hadn't even known there was any of him left to corrupt. Loki's youthful looks make it so easy to forget that he has been around (in every sense of the word) for centuries longer than Tony, and what he's proposing.. is that even physically possible?

 

Meanwhile Loki is still looking up at him with a teasing smile. 'Well? Is that a no, or a maybe?'

 

Tony tries to sound appropriately annoyed. 'It's a what-the-hell-were-you-thinking?! Seriously, you scared the living crap out of me! Frightening people isn't actually that sexy, you know.'

 

'Are you so sure of that?' And it's true, the god's pupils are dilated and he's looking a little flushed. Yeah, that figures. He might not actually be evil any more, but Loki is still light years away from well-balanced.

 

'Why couldn't you have been the God of Normal Human Interaction?' Tony shouts, throwing a sofa cushion which Loki easily bats away, still laughing.

 

'Because then you would have tired of me long ago,' he grins. 'But as to my suggestion, admit it. You are thinking about it, are you not?'

 

Damn him. Tony's brain might be slow to process the idea, but it's true, his body is certainly expressing an interest and Loki's well aware of the fact. Stupid treacherous body...

 

Loki's green eyes are triumphant and he rises gracefully to his feet, pulling Tony after him. Tony stumbles along, helpless, captivated, content in his defeat.

 

'How come I always let you win?' he asks huskily as they reach the door to the bedroom, and Loki stops, looking back in him in surprise. 'Because I only want what you want. Do you not know this yet?' He takes both Tony's hands and steps backward into the room. 'Now put your hands on me and let me show you what it is that you want...'

 

 

 

*****

 

SUNDAY: 15:35 HOURS

 

 

'So you're absolutely sure about this?'

 

Loki raises his eyes to the heavens. 'For the hundredth time, yes, I am sure.'

 

'And you'll contact me if anything happens. Like, _anything_?'

 

'Within reason, yes.'

 

'And you don't want me to cancel the meeting? Because I will if you want me to. Do you want me to?'

 

Loki just shakes his head in disbelief and Bruce is forced to interject. 'Come on, Tony! This isn't a playdate, this is two grown men who are quite capable of taking care of themselves, going out for a walk. Nothing's going to happen, but if it does, we promise to call you, ok? Now go and make obscene amounts of money or whatever it is you do.'

 

Tony still doesn't look convinced, and Bruce wonders if he can detect a hint of jealousy there. After all, Loki had specifically asked if Bruce would mind accompanying him on his first foray in a month outside Stark Tower. Who's feeling green now, he thinks wryly as they set off down the street together. 

 

Loki stays silent at first, walking quickly with his hands thrust deep into his jacket pockets, but after a block or so, he slows his pace a little and turns to Bruce with a look of gratitude. 'It was good of you to come. I did not know if you would - it must have a been rather unexpected request.'

 

Bruce shrugs. 'Yeah, I was surprised at first, but I think I understand. You still don't quite trust yourself around people, and you know you can rely on me to take you down if anything goes wrong. Am I close?'

 

Loki smiles at him. 'You are a perceptive man, Doctor Banner.' He pauses, looking unsure of himself. 'I would be grateful if we could start afresh - I do not believe I made a very good impression on our first meeting.'

 

'Actually I think that goes for both of us. Still, I believe in second chances - I kinda have to. But Loki, try and use me again and I'll make sure the Other Guy breaks both your legs. Nobody likes being someone else's weapon. I mean, that stunt you pulled on the plane last month, trying to manipulate Steve into killing you - didn't you think about how it would affect him?'

 

No, clearly he hadn't. Loki's brow furrows as understanding dawns, and Bruce feels a little guilty. 'OK, that wasn't fair, you weren't thinking straight, and who can blame you? But I just had to clear the air. If you want to start over again, that's fine with me.'

 

'And with... the Other Guy?' Loki asks. 'I do not think he likes me very much.'

 

'What, because he wiped the floor with you? Oh, I wouldn't take that personally - he does that to everyone.'

 

Loki grins disarmingly, and Bruce adds, 'But all things considered, I hope you two don't get to meet again - it's not usually a good sign when he shows up...'

 

As they walk, Bruce is conscious of the occasional glance from passers-by, but he quickly reassures himself that the looks are admiring rather than hostile. Loki is after all tall and striking, and there's something exotic about his looks that draws the eye, even dressed down in black jeans, a plain t-shirt, jacket and combat boots. But nobody seems to recognise him, thank goodness - neither of them can afford to get drawn into a fight. By the time they reach the park, Bruce has started to relax a bit and even to enjoy himself. Loki is charming company, curious and observant, and it's interesting to see the city through his eyes.

 

'When I first returned to this realm after my imprisonment,' he tells Bruce, 'I believed the park to be a hunting ground for the people of New York. It transpires that the Keepers of the Park do not take kindly to the use of a bow and arrow. I was forced to make an inglorious exit using magic.'

 

There's a smile playing about his lips, and Bruce thinks - that's interesting, you've learnt to mock yourself since we last met. That can only be a good thing. But he keeps tactfully quiet, and suggests that they take a seat on the grass. Loki folds easily to the ground, settling himself cross-legged opposite Bruce. It's a warm day and the god tilts his face upward, letting the sun warm it. 'It feels good to be outside,' he admits. 'It felt unsafe for a long time, but yesterday I realised I could not hide in the tower forever. I had to face the outdoors before I began to fear it.'

 

Bruce nods understandingly. 'It's called agoraphobia. It can happen to anyone if they lock themselves away for too long. I think it's brave of you to starting getting back to normality after what happened. For what it's worth.'

 

'It is worth a great deal, Doctor Banner. Truthfully...' Loki stops suddenly and begins to pluck at a patch of grass, shredding the blades ferociously between his fingers. But when he looks up to see Bruce still watching him, he continues with a sigh of resignation. 'I am not accustomed to caring about the good opinion of others. My natural instinct is to serve my own needs and pay no heed to who is left standing. But lately I find that it matters to me... the esteem of those I hold in high regard.' And there's that self-mockery again as he grimaces at Bruce. 'It really is rather restricting.'

 

It's the strangest thing, hearing these quiet words coming from the man Bruce remembers venting his rage and hate from the confines of a cage. He finds himself forced to revise his previous 'bag full of cats' diagnosis. Or... no that's not quite right - there are definitely cats in there, Loki just has them _really_ well trained. 

 

The god shakes himself with a laugh. 'But I apologise for burdening you with my innermost thoughts. Tony has already pointed out to me that you are 'not that kind of doctor'.' And before Bruce can reassure him, Loki swiftly changes the subject. 'Might I instead interest you in a game? I shall assume that you are not familiar with Asgardian entertainments, but I have recently become fond of chess - do you play?'

 

A game of chess with the Norse God of Mischief?? There is literally no way he is going to pass up that offer! But unfortunately neither of them have brought a board. He's about to point this out when Loki makes a subtle gesture over the grass and an elegant chess set appears between them, the pieces laid out in readiness. Loki looks up questioningly.

'Shall I be black?' 

 

They play in silence for a while, and again Bruce is struck by how relaxed he feels in the god's company. He's already safe in the knowledge that he presents more of a threat to Loki than vice versa, but it's not that, there's an underlying sense that they understand each other. That there's some fundamental quality that they both share. The other thing Bruce notices is that Loki has the most expressive hands he has ever seen. Whether they're illustrating a point, moving a piece across the board or just tapping out an unheard rhythm on the ground, they are never still and Bruce finds himself fascinated. The experience is almost synesthetic, like watching music.

 

When they do start talking again, the conversation is open and easy. Bruce tells Loki about his work and Loki shows a keen understanding of the principles of physics and a thirst for knowledge. Then Loki talks about his recruitment by SHIELD and his encounter with Tony at the safe house and Bruce marvels again at the way the others have come to accept him. He himself had less reason to bear a grudge against Loki, having never been mind-controlled, thrown through a window or called a, what was it, 'mewling quim'? Even Steve probably took the whole supervillain thing as a personal affront. Yet one by one they've all been brought round, even Clint, which he still can't quite get over. He likes Clint, but the man is scary as hell when crossed, so it's bizarre to hear him defend the guy who turned him into a mindless murderous automaton.

 

Meanwhile Loki is kicking his butt on the chess board and Bruce is sure the god is barely even trying. He's only been playing the game a few months, damn it! Bruce really needs to start focussing if he's going to finish this with any kind of dignity. But that suddenly becomes an impossibility as the conversation takes a very different turn...

 

'So they told you what transpired on board the aircraft,' Loki says quietly, his eyes on the board as his long fingers slide a rook into position. It isn't a question.

 

Bruce lets out a calming breath before answering. 'Yes, they did. Nobody knew what was going to happen and they needed me to be prepared in case the worst happened.'

 

'I see. And what did they tell you?'

 

Bruce shuffles mentally through his options, not sure exactly how much he ought to reveal. Loki seems like he's pulled himself back from the brink over the last few weeks, and the last thing Bruce wants is to give him a nudge in the wrong direction. 'They told me you were very distressed. That you thought Hydra had somehow programmed you to turn against SHIELD and your friends. They told me you were ready to die to prevent that from happening.'

 

Loki nods slowly, eyes still downcast, and Bruce watches his hands curl into tight fists, the knuckles white.

 

Bruce continues urgently. 'But you don't believe that now, right? SHIELD has run every test they can think of and they haven't found anything. There's no way they'd have let you go if they had.' Loki looks unconvinced but he goes on. 'Maybe Hydra were just messing with your head, did you consider that? Or maybe they tried to reprogram you but they couldn't do it, so they just let you think they had. Torture can make people pretty suggestible.'

 

Loki flinches visibly at the word 'torture', and Bruce wants to reassure him, to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he holds back, uncertain. He knows Loki is unbelievably powerful, but it's hard to believe it looking at him now. At this moment he looks as though the lightest touch would shatter him.

 

Bruce leans forward as close as he dares. 'I know these things take time, but do you think you could start to believe that you're safe now?'

 

Loki presses his hands to the ground, steadying himself. 'I can start, yes,' he whispers. 'There are moments when I believe that perhaps all may be well.'

 

'And you don't have any ideas about killing yourself anymore?'

 

Loki gives a curt shake of his head. 'Not any more. I was weak, not myself. It will not happen again.'

 

'Don't say that!' Bruce's voice comes out louder than he'd meant it to. 'Don't ever think it makes you a coward to have had a moment of despair. Look, we've all been there. Including me.'

 

'Yes.' Finally Loki raises his eyes, and Bruce sees the entreaty in them - it's raw and overpowering. 'There is another reason I wished to speak with you today. You live with this every day - the possibility that you might lose control and hurt those close to you. How do you do it?'

 

Bruce really hopes Loki isn't expecting an easy answer, because there isn't one. But he has to say something, to give him some measure of hope.

 

'I don't know, Loki, I'm sorry. All I know is that I tried to hide away and that wasn't the answer. I'm with friends now, and I just have to trust that we'll all get through. Whatever happens, you can't let it stop you from being close to people - there are always risks when you love someone,' (and yes, they both know he's talking about Tony now) 'but it's worth it, it's worth everything.'

 

Loki searches his face for a long time before saying haltingly, 'I am sorry I ever called you a monster, Doctor Banner. There was much I did not understand back then.'

 

Bruce gives him a gentle smile. 'Please, it's Bruce. And from what I've seen, you learn pretty quickly - case in point...' And he waves his hand at the forgotten chess game.

 

Loki casts an eye over the board. 'You are a most skilled opponent - shall we agree to a draw?'

 

'See, that's what I mean!' Bruce exclaims. 'The Loki we knew would never have passed up a chance to win, even if it's only at chess. I'd say you've won in the grand scheme of things though - a few months here and you've already got friends ready to risk their lives for you - Fury, Natasha, Tony..'

 

At the mention of Tony's name, he watches Loki's eyes light up, and he can see right through them to the tender and loving boy he must once have been. And suddenly he wants to share something intimate with him - a gesture of real friendship, to seal this moment.

 

'OK, I'm going to tell you something but you absolutely can't tell Tony I told you. Promise me?'

 

Loki doesn't exactly promise, but he inclines his head in agreement.

 

'Um, ok, this is a little awkward, but I do know something else about what happened on the plane. I know that you kissed Steve.'

 

Loki pale face turns a shade whiter. 'He told you???'

 

'No, of course not! You've met Steve - he's hardly the type to kiss and tell. Between you and me, we weren't even sure if he was the type to kiss, but let's not get into that now. Tony told me about it. Don't be angry with him, but he _may_ have left a nanocam in the room with you and Steve, just in case, and seen a little more than he bargained for. He didn't tell anyone else, just me, because he was a little freaked out by it. I just think... maybe you should talk to him about it. He's not upset with you at all, just feeling kind of insecure.'

 

'Why?' Loki's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

 

'Well, I don't know if you'd noticed, but Steve is kind of built. He's younger, he's fitter, he's got the whole supersoldier thing...'

 

Loki looks amused now. 'Are you trying to persuade me?'

 

'Yeah, sorry, it did come out like that. But no, I mean... most guys would be a bit threatened by Steve. I know I would.'

 

Loki sighs. 'I will be honest with you in return. Steve Rogers is a fine man, both inside and out, but in truth he reminds me far too much of my brother. They both have a way of looking at me on occasion that makes me feel like a wayward child.' He smiles to himself. 'There is nothing of that in the way Tony looks at me.'

 

'That's good, but I'm just saying, Tony worries and he won't tell you himself. Because there's another thing you should know - he says you're the best thing to happen to him since Pepper and he doesn't want to scare you off by being jealous.'

 

Loki nods. 'I am glad you told me all this. I think I know what to do about it.'

 

And Bruce thinks to himself what a lucky man Tony is..

 

The sun is going down and the park is much emptier now, but Loki has one more thing to ask. 'Before we return, would you grant me a favor?

 

Bruce can't even begin to guess.

 

'Would you stay while I close my eyes, just for a few minutes? I have not rested well since my return - I have had to be watchful. But with you here, I know I can loosen my grip for a while.'

 

Bruce is touched, and happy to agree, and Loki curls up on the grass, his head pillowed on his arm. His breathing slows to a steady rhythm almost instantly and although he twitches from time to time and his lips move silently, he is otherwise calm. 

 

Watching him, Bruce thinks back to Loki's earlier question. How do you do it? It's a good question. You learn to lose control without fear, and trust that under all the darkness there is something good. Loki isn't ready for that yet, and getting there is dangerous for all concerned. But one day... He looks down at the sleeping figure and sees himself for a brief moment, but then he just sees Loki, thin and tired beyond belief. When Loki opens his eyes fifteen minutes later, it seems far too soon, but Loki is adamant. 'Thank you, it was more than enough.'

 

And so they set off together through the fading light.

 

As they near the Tower, Loki's pace slows and Bruce has the sense that the god is summoning up the nerve to speak. But he waits. He hopes he knows what Loki is going to say, but he wants to hear him say it. It's important. At the corner, Loki stops, and turns to face him. Bruce is a little taken aback - even when the god looked up from his position on the floor of Stark's penthouse, broken and defeated, to see the six Avengers staring down at him, he didn't look anywhere near this scared. Bruce smiles encouragingly, but still Loki hesitates, his right hand clenching and unclenching at his side. Finally, he opens his mouth to speak.

 

'This was... I am glad that you came.' His eyes are looking everywhere but into Bruce's. 'And if you would consent to meet me again, I would be pleased of your company.'

 

Perhaps Bruce takes a second too long to answer him, but suddenly Loki has swirled around and is striding away from him down the street. Bruce has to run to catch up with him, and as he grabs Loki by the arm, he half-expects the god to slam him against the wall. Instead anxious green eyes stare back at him, and he says quickly, 'I'd like that, Loki.'

 

Relief floods Loki's face. 'You are sure?'

 

'Of course I'm sure. I want a rematch for one thing. That was just embarrassing and I'm sure I can do better.'

 

Loki grins at him, and ventures shyly, 'Or perhaps next time I could teach you a game from my own realm? I think you will enjoy 'Battle for Svartalfheim', as long as we play for counters, and not the severed fingers of our opponents.'

 

Bruce grins back. 'I don’t even know if you’re joking now, but you're on! I'll look forward to it.'

 

And he's surprised by how much he means it.

 

 

*

 

SUNDAY: 18:52 HOURS

 

 

A good feeling doesn't last forever, but this one lasts all of thirty seconds as they reach the entrance to Stark Tower. Instantly they are surrounded by around thirty heavily-armed SHIELD agents. Every weapon is aimed at Loki's head, and every expression is bristling with hostility. 

 

Bruce isn't angry yet, but he's about two stops down the line from it and gaining speed. 'What is this?' he demands, but at once he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

'Please, Bruce, it is alright.'

 

Loki turns to the leader of the team, his demeanour calm and dignified. 'Do you wish something of me? You had only to ask.'

 

The leader doesn't lower her weapon as she tells him, 'My orders are to bring you back to SHIELD headquarters for questioning. We're placing you under arrest.'

 

'And might I ask what for?'

 

'At 18:25 today, two World Security Council members were murdered in cold blood in front of several eye witnesses. Every single one has identified you as the murderer.'

 


End file.
